W10D3: Breaking Down

This is the fourth time, now, that I've done a twelve-week program and the cycle of emotions is the same every time. At the beginning, you're excited about what's to come. You're pumped for the workouts, eager to get to the gym every day. In the middle, you've really begun to see changes and that's enough to keep you motivated. But by the ninth week, you are starting to get burnt out. The workouts aren't quite as exciting anymore as you've been doing the same moves(albeit in different settings) for over two months. Your body isn't changing quite as fast and it even seems to be breaking down. It's tired. You're tired. You start to become more susceptible to injury if your form isn't spot on every time. You are willing the last three weeks of your program to fly by so that you can start something new and interesting again. I've hit that point and I've hit it hard. It's taking all the mental and physical strength I have to get through the next 2.5 weeks and to do it in a way that brings the results I desire.

And as if all this crap going through my head and body isn't enough, there was drama at the gym this morning. I walked into the locker room, opened my locker and started unpacking my bag just as I do every day. Except...something was missing. When it dawned on me what that something was I started freaking. My notebook wasn't there. It wasn't in my locker, or my bag. Hell, I even checked my partner's locker since I'd borrowed a pair of pants yesterday. I asked the janitor if she'd seen and and she said yes, she saw it yesterday sitting by my locker. I guess maybe she thought I was still there? Anyway, I'm sure you're probably wondering why I was freaking about a notebook. First of all, it had all of my workouts in it. The workouts I PAID for. The workouts I'm not supposed to share with others who have not paid for them. But most important, all of my personal information(my weight loss, body fat and measurements) from the last ten weeks was in there. I hadn't recorded it anywhere else. And then last, the thing you may laugh at me for, my prize. You see, every time I complete a program, part of the prize at the end is seeing all the folded up pages in my notebook. All the workouts I've completed. Hell, a lot of the pages even have sweat droplets on them. It may not seem like a big deal but unless you've actually followed through with an entire 12-week program, you have no idea.

So while I'm having my own personal freak out, my partner walks into the locker room with her usual chipper 'Morning!' She said as soon as I saw her I had the puppy eyes. And of course the tears started to flow. And then a couple more(very understanding) friends come in and hear my news and immediately start a search party. We checked with the front desk and they couldn't find it in their lost and found, but within minutes, my friends had signs posted all over the gym asking people to return my book. Honest to goodness, I have some of THE best friends here that I've ever had. Women that understand WHY I was losing my shit over a notebook and didn't have to ask any questions. Knowing we'd done all we could do, I marched back into the locker room and put on my shoes knowing that I was about to bang out one hell of a workout because of all this frustration. We hadn't even gotten all of our equipment set-up and the front desk was calling my name over the loudspeaker. They found my book! Apparently it was hiding under a stack of papers, NOT in the lost and found. The sheer relief that flooded over me was amazing. My book! All was well with the world for that moment.

Of course one good thing did come of my 'lost' notebook. The guys that work the desk at the gym think I'm pretty cuckoo. I'm there every day and I surely make every day count. They've commented on our 'insane' workouts before but today....today they saw my fat picture in the front of my notebook. Today, they stared at me in awe and congratulated me on my achievements. Today, I think they learned why I AM so cuckoo. ;) They didn't even believe that person was me!

W10D3 Operation: Unleash the MILF
Workouts Duration: 1:15:04(55 minutes weight training, 15 minutes rowing, 5 minutes foam rolling)
Calories burned: 507

W9D2: The Minimalist 'Diet'

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W8D1: Under The Influence Of Awesomeness

I've always been a klutz of epic proportions. How I survived eight years of dance lessons and six years of marching band is beyond me. Even the choir room was hazardous, falling down risers onto the piano. Yeah...don't ask. ;) My fitness journey has been no exception. From slamming my fingers between dumbbells to tripping over barbells to rolling my ankle multiple times during Zumba, every day is an amusing journey. Thankfully I have never seriously injured myself!

Last week I started getting a little more brave with my box jumps and put a plate on top to add an inch of height. At the moment my feet left the floor, my partner said something funny that completely wrecked my train of thought. My left foot completed the jump and landed square on the box but my right toes grazed the edge, sending my right leg behind my left. I dove to the side to avoid crashing forward into the rack of dumbbells, did some sort of mid-air spin and landed on one foot right beside the box. Best part? Didn't even knock over my open water bottle. This, of course, pissed me off. I got right back behind the box and jumped, landing solidly on top. I may or may not have yelled a few obscenities at the poor box and then raised my fist in triumph while everyone looked on at the crazy girl.

I guess I'm making my mishaps a weekly thing because today I embarrassed myself yet again. Our circuit was comprised of three different types of lateral pulldowns in a row. As we set up camp at the cable machine, I hooked the lat bar to the carabiner and didn't realize some bozo before me had the weight set to five pounds. Guess what? The lat bar weighs more than five pounds. As it came crashing down on my head I shrieked like a little girl and everyone turned to watch. Red-faced and laughing, I picked that shit up, changed the weight, reset the bar and got down to business. Take that!

Why am I telling you all this? First of all, it's stupidly funny. Second, don't be afraid to be under the influence of awesomeness. When you do amazing things with your body(like lift more than five pound weights ;)...), you're bound to have a few bumps in the road. Laugh it off and get back to it. Conquer whatever is trying to defeat you, and do it with a huge grin on your beet-red face.

W8D1 Operation: Unleash the MILF
Total weight lost: 3 lbs.
Workout duration: 1:05:53
Calories burned: ~700(My HRM cut off during my first circuit and I couldn't get it back on until my third. Boo!)

As an aside, I just wanted to share this picture. A friend took it last weekend and it's one of those that I had to do a double take to realize that's me! That's my five year old next to me and my two year old in front of me. I keep going back to this picture because it really helps get into my head that size I really am, not the size my brain still thinks I am!

W7D1: Halfway Point

We have officially reached the halfway point of Operation: Unleash the MILF! Although I was hoping to have made more changes this point, I really can't complain with the changes I've already seen. Over the last six weeks, I have lost two pounds and over 10 inches, mostly from my hips, waist, and thighs! My body fat monitor has me at an only 1% fat loss, but I'm not too inclined to believe it given the inches lost. That just doesn't sound right, does it? So I'm not putting my stock in it, or the scale, but relying mostly on the tape measure and my overall shape and fit of clothing to measure my progress.

Last week I was forced to take a good, hard look at my eating choices. Admittedly, I had a really bad week but got right back on my game. I also started taking digestive enzymes after my largest meal(normally breakfast) and they have helped with the belly bloat alot. Here are pictures taken just a week apart so you can see what I mean.

I still have a long way to go but I feel like I'm chipping away, slowly and steadily. That is, after all, the best way. I feel like changing my cheat meal to Monday was a good idea, and besides my birthday, I intend to really keep the eating buckled down. Let's see what we can do this last six weeks! The first six went by so quickly!!

W6D4: Changes On The Horizon

I've been thinking a lot since my last post. Thinking of ways to make controlling my eating more manageable. One way is by opting out of a cheat day all together. That doesn't sound like much fun. ;) But, let's face it...one bad meal can lead to another, and another, and...well, you get the point. However, I really look forward to my cheat meal at the end of the week. I know everyone says not to reward yourself with food but it's nice to know I can work hard all week on my eating and my training and then just completely let go for one meal and eat something I've really missed. Another idea that sort of plays into this is having your weigh-ins on Monday so that you're more accountable over the weekend. That means not allowing yourself to binge over those two days because your cheat meal turned into a cheat weekend. I've always done my weigh-ins on Monday but I think what will be helpful to me is to have my cheat meal on Monday after my weigh-in and measurements have been taken. It has to be one meal. It has to be breakfast or lunch, not dinner. Basically, I am trying to trick myself into not enjoying it quite as much. Case in point, I am a really big Italian food lover. This is usually what my cheat meals consist of. Nothing like sitting down to a huge plate of lasagna and garlic bread for dinner, right? I am hoping that if I make that not an option, there will be less room for error and also less room in my stomach. ;) I will then have the rest of the week to work this meal off AND have to be accountable over the weekend for my next weigh-in. This sounds like a good idea to me. Am I crazy? Am I overthinking it? Probably, but you do what you gotta do...for you. What is right for me is not necessarily right for the next person. And if I could say one thing about this journey, it has been a hell of a lot of trial and error. I hope this new plan will keep things moving in the right direction, but if not, my brain is already formulating other plans for success!

W6D2: Fall Down Once, Get Up Twice

My last post talked about how I was struggling to come to grips with the number on the scale not changing even though my measurements and body fat were. Even through writing out my feelings, it was not release enough to keep me out of a downward spiral over the weekend. I had my normal cheat meal on Friday, but that one meal turned into an entire weekend of cheats. Needless to say, I was in no hurry to check my numbers yesterday. So I didn't. I told my partner I knew what the numbers were going to say and that I'd been too chicken shit to even step on the scale.

So this morning, I got up. I put on my brave face and stepped on the scale. Gained a pound. With a heavy heart I stepped off and grabbed my body fat monitor. Gained .5%, exactly what I'd lost last week. My heavy heart was now accompanied by a loud sigh. Standing there in front of the bathroom mirror, I looked myself up and down and could only feel anger. There was no guilt. We all mess up. But I was angry that I could't stop myself from messing up before it happened. How can I be so in control of my training but not of my eating?

As I pulled on my gym clothes I reassured myself that I was not going to let these numbers get the best of me. That I would let them make me even more determined to be 'on it' all week long. I AM going to see results and I AM going to feel good about the decisions I make. I will NOT allow myself to wallow and I will NOT allow myself to feel guilty. I am going into this week thankful that I have the ability to train hard and to make good decisions from here on out. Tightening the noose, if you will. I will still have my one cheat meal a week, but I absolutely will not set myself back like this again. I have six and a half weeks left of Operation: Unleash the MILF and I want to get my money's worth!

Also, since this is week six, we are moving into training 5 days per week instead of 4. For my partner and I, this not only means changes to the schedule, but changes to when/how we work out. I am not going to be able to do any workouts on the weekend, so I'm forced into a M-F routine that accommodates my Zumba classes because....let's face it...I reeeeeeaaaally like Zumba. ;) This means that I'll be going to Zumba two mornings a week, resting for an hour and fueling up, and then training afterward. If I went straight to training from Zumba, I would not be able to lift with the needed intensity. The good news is that I will have already done my cardio beforehand. I will also continue with my regular M/W/F training days. My partner, on the other hand, is trying her hand at training first thing, then finishing up with the second half of Zumba class. She will still join me on M/W/F. It will be interesting to see how this pans out, if my body can handle the five days in a row, and how our workouts measure up to what we've been doing until now.

W6D2 Operation: Unleash the MILF

Calories burned during 1:00:00 Zumba: 689
Calories burned during 0:56:00 training afterward: 582

W5D2: You Deserve Happiness

I'm going to be hardcore honest with you for a moment, friends. I am struggling the last couple of weeks. Though the numbers on the tape measure and the body fat monitor are going down, I don't feel like they're going down quickly enough. I guess this is the problem with losing so much weight in such a short amount of time. You expect that every time you hop on the scale or get measured. Things have slowed down to(it seems) a snail's pace for me lately. And I know that's how it's supposed to be. Bodies are smart like that. Doing it slowly is more healthy but darn it if it doesn't make me edgy! I had hoped that by almost halfway through Operation: Unleash the MILF I would have seen a lot more body fat gone. And while I have perused the comments of others using the same program, they assure me that most big changes don't start happening until after week six. I'm so impatient! I feel like I have worked my ass off and that this program has exhausted me so much that I should be seeing more results by now. I shouldn't complain. And I'm not, really. This is more of a mental roadblock for me. I'm sure those of you that struggle with weight loss(in any situation) understand. I know I'm doing well. I'm eating what I'm supposed to and going hard at the gym. All of my lifts have increased this past week and I feel I have more stamina during the workouts. These are good things! So with that I would like to say...

Dear Brain,

Just STOP! Stop thinking. Stop OVERthinking. Change will happen and it will happen at the body's pace, not yours. Clearly, you are tired. Have a nap and shut up while you're at it.

Love, Me

Now, everyone repeat after me: I deserve happiness. I will not let my brain overthink the weight loss process and I will not worry myself with things beyond my control. I will eat right, I will exercise, I will take my vitamins, and I will get adequate sleep. I deserve to be happy

W5D2 Operation: Unleash the MILF

Workout Duration 1:16:44
Calories burned 580